I could write a whole bunch of shit about how I've been cooped inside of my own volition for almost four weeks, but that's not honestly what I want to talk about. I finally called someone to get the air conditioning fixed. I watched television, watched shows I recorded a while ago wanting to see what was going on - I'm up to date on all my dramas. I've done my own laundry. Kiba sent me a bird cage for the Girls, and I don't like using it, but it's nice for them to have a place to sleep. I had the carpet's cleaned. I've been eating well, and I've stopped drinking soda just because I really like the taste of water better. I haven't been doing drugs or smoking or getting into trouble, and I've been trying not to worry about anything or anybody. I haven't gone out or done anything or recked anybody's life, and things are just sort of rolling along like they always do.

I feel like a fixated ghost. (The depression's gone, I guess, and I'm not lonely.) Everything just sort of goes around in circles, like normal, and I don't do too much, except take care of myself like I'm supposed to, and that's good, isn't it? I wake up and go to bed early and on a predictable schedule, I report in to my superiors on a timely and regular basis, I always get dressed when I wake up. It's not as if I laze around and get fat all day. I've been trying to get better at cooking - that's not to say it's working, but I guess that so long as I can eat what I make only for myself, that's good enough. It doesn't give me indigestion or anything. I'm healthy and well-behaved.

But if I had ever wanted a normal life like this, I would've just killed myself when I was 13, instead of running away.

If I had wanted a normal life, I would've been born into one.

And I wasn't.

So stop leaving me alone.

I'm not made of glass, you know.









Happy birthday, Sasuke.

May you achieve what you are meant to, and know that in the end, we probably still love you with all our hearts, she and I. In the end, even if I am ultimately the cause of your death, and of your unhappiness,

I will have loved you with all of myself.

And that's all that really matters, either way.

I'm not sending you a gift.

I don't really care if you didn't want one.

Don't go wasting this year like you wasted the last.

I had a dream the previous evening in which I was riding a bicycle through the jungle. I did not know how to stop, and I crashed into a large tree. I awoke.

This is my third dream this year. I usually write them down and send them Dr. Hiashi, but...I am not sure I need to anymore. I have written it down anyway.

Obviously.

Is shooting a gun like riding a bicycle? You never forget, and you jump back on?